22.06.08
I always feel disgusted at hearing that there is so much widespread corruption and malpractices everywhere, or say in any given field. Such talks when done in is privacy, and in certain abhorrent style, give me a feeling of **surrendering to situation**. they subvert my will to fight. they deter , they discourage the feeling of truth fullness and honesty within. They are the admission and justification of self being corrupt, by the speaker. they are a cultural propagation and continuing of corruption and ill-actions once they have happened anywhere in our society. they have no desire to bring change, to rectify and to improve. there is no remorse and apology.they make dishonesty even more blatant.


21.06.2008
What could be wrong in my behavior?? i am quite serious and stressed at the time I am on ships. when the orders are given i am unable to take them with a receptive heart.The senior on the other hand is himself a serious person mostly. Then the two serious thoughts collide trying to surmount each other.like when he ask me to do tank cleaning seriously as a matter of need, i begin to seriously think of the period of rest. When the cargo is halted due to generator troubles, i am told that i should rush to attend coz the cargo is my duty, but i begin to seriously think if i have to be there necessarily all the time.
seriousness arouses ego. hinders dissolving of frustration and anger in work. We have to learn to be cheerful.it's just that being cheerful is not easy job while on board. People have their own ways to enjoy. Most shippies, like the one on "Challenge Plus" used alcohol, cigs, movies for de-stressing. My way is by communicating the social and political thoughts coz somehow i feel too connected with them.then the seniors use their learning to push you into their kind of working while u are, and even admitting, of being unaware of methods in your jobs.They tend to take advantage of your ignorance.Private get-togethers also get consumed in surmounting each other.there are less narratives to explain the situation or the job requisites. on the explanation thought, it brings me to say that, like i have always been saying, most of us people are too poor in story-telling, it's as though story-telling is a bad deed. and that's where we lack. we dont have much skill to explain and convince people. we often go on to ask Arjuna to shoot at Bhism explaining that it's coz he is old, unworthy, insane, aged, etc..the other demeaning thoughts. The skills of Krishna , of how he expounded on the Karma, to convince Arjune to shoot at Bhism is too high up in sky for us to practice. How many of us read literature so deeply to be able to *communicate* even the sinful sounding thoughts to people around.People got to learn that skill.